Tomorrow Sketch 1
by Sariyuki
Summary: Shounen-ai. 38, 39. Post journey fic. A sequel to When Tomorrow Comes.


Title: Tomorrow Sketch 1.0  
Author: Sariyuki  
Date: 18 June 2004  
Disclaimer 1: Gensomaden Saiyuki/Saiyuki RELOAD belongs to the wonderful Minekura Kazuya-sama whom I worship on daily basis.  
Disclaimer 2: "Romeo And Juliet" is a wonderful song by Dire Strait. Go find and listen to it.  
Notes: Angst warning. A sequel to "When Tomorrow Comes". Dedicated to hakkai-san and ChaosDaughter [group hugs!]

= = = =

_a lovestruck romeo sings a streetsus serenade  
laying everybody low with a love song that he made  
finds a convenient streetlight steps out of the shade  
says something like, you and me babe how about it?  
_

He didn't know why he came here. It seemed that lately he had little control over his body, his mind and his body. It seemed to him that his legs never obeyed him anymore. Nor his brain for that matter. But it didn't matter, did it? Nothing mattered anymore.

He took another gulp of the intoxicating liquid that he had been swinging along unsteadily, not that he noticed. Why had he come here of all places? Those treacherous feet. His treacherous heart. He cursed and lurched forward. It was near. Near now.

_juliet says hey it's romeo you nearly gimme a heart attack  
he's underneath the window she's singing, hey la my boyfriend's back  
you shouldn't come around here singing up at people like that  
anyway what you're gonna do about it?  
_

The garden was still the same old. Same old. But it was a lie. Nothing was ever the same, he knew. Everything had to change sooner or later. He wished it was later than sooner. But it didn't matter. Because nothing mattered to him anymore. He placed one leg in front of the other. Even walking now seemed difficult. Swearing half heartedly, he steadied himself as not to fall over.

Why did he come today? It wasn't his intention to come to this blasted place, was it? Where was he going? Certainly not to this - this abomination that once he had thought was home. He should burn it down. Yes, burn, he thought in hazy satisfaction. The flame would vanquish it very easily. Easy. He could do it. Yes, he would do it.

If only he could also vanquish it from his heart...

Home, he laughed bitterly. He had no home. Not anymore.

_juliet the dice were loaded from the start  
and I bet and you exploded in my heart  
and I forget, I forget the movie song  
when you're gonna realise it was just that the time was wrong juliet?  
_

His eyes were blurry. His head pounded like mad. He thought he saw the door was slightly ajar. Was he imagining things now? But-

He stopped his swaggering, his eyes wide open. The door was open.

His heart seemed to stop beating all of a sudden. It couldn't be. It just couldn't be. Then just as sudden as it stopped, his heart started beating ten times faster than before.

He staggered forward, trying to still his raging heart. That bastard, did he-

_we come up on different streets they both were streets of shame  
both dirty both mean, yes, and the dream was just the same  
I dreamed your dream for you and so now your dream is real  
how can you look at me as if I was just another one of your deals?   
_

"Hakkai!" he called out.

"Hakkai!"

No answer. No answer. Shouldn't he have known?

There had never been any answers since the day he was gone.

He pushed the door roughly and entered the room. His eyes scanned wildly around. Where was he? Where was he?

Where. Was. He.

Why was the room so - untidy? Why was it so - empty? As if never being lived in... That's not true, he shouted in his head. We used to live in here. We used to-

We used to-

He broke the bottle in his hand.

_when you can fall for chains of silver you can fall for chains of gold  
you can fall for pretty strangers and the promises they hold  
you promised me everything you promised me thick and thin  
now you just say, oh romeo, yeah you know I used to have a scene with him  
_

Why was it so empty here? No, he wasn't questioning about the room. He clutched at his chest. Why was it so empty of anything? He couldn't remember what was gone. Was it his heart?

He looked down. Blood. Smearing his clothes...

His hand was bleeding.

Funny, he felt. Funny that he didn't feel the pain from the hand that was now leaking blood freely. Funny that the pain instead came from the heart that he thought he had lost.

He staggered forward to the bed and sat unceremoniously on it.

Great, he thought, now that he broke the bottle he couldn't drink himself to death, which was what he had been intending to do since-

Since that bastard was gone.

_juliet when we made love you used to cry  
you said I love you like the stars above, you said I love you til I die  
there's a place for us, you know, the movie song  
so when you're gonna realise it was just that the time was wrong juliet?   
_

He let go a heavy sigh as he laid on his back. That pattern on the ceiling, why he had never noticed it before he wondered. Strange. He had been thinking of strange things lately. Things that he never had thought before. Things like... Like the pattern of a damn ceiling.

He must be too drunk. What he needed now was more drink.

That was right, he thought, he needed to drink. Otherwise he couldn't think clearly. Or... was it the other way around?

It didn't matter. Not much mattered anymore anyway.

He remembered now. He remembered why he always came back here.

He rolled his body over and grabbed the sheet that was covering the bed. His smell still lingered here. Faint but distinct. Vanishing but still here.

Still here...

He shut his eyes as the pain in his chest becoming stronger and stronger. No one was here.

_I can't do the talk like they talk on tv  
and I can't do a love song like the way it's meant to be  
I can't do everything but I'd do anything for you  
I can't do anything except be in love with you  
_

"-zo!"

"Sanzo!"

He opened his eyes slowly. Blinking, unaccustomed with the flood of light that suddenly brightening the room. Frowning irritably at the interruption, he got up. Who had been calling him?

"Sanzo, I've been looking all over for you!"

Goku. He'd completely forgotten about him.

"I thought, I thought...," Goku didn't finish the sentence. "Did you just fall asleep? You didn't turn on the light... I was worried..."

Sanzo couldn't trust himself to answer. He nodded instead.

"Your hand...," Goku took the wounded hand into his.

Sanzo waved the hand impatiently, "It's alright. Just a minor cut. No big deal."

A look of hurt crossed Goku's feature. No big deal. He never was a big deal to Sanzo, was he? Never a big deal to the man he called his sun.

"Are you going to spend the night here?" he asked, stifling the anger that was slowly swelling up in his chest.

Sanzo shrugged carelessly. It didn't matter where he stayed. Goku looked at him impatiently.

"Sanzo, will you snap out of it!"

Sanzo's eyes narrowed dangerously at the angry tone. How dare he spoke to him like that! The golden eyes that glared back at him was challenging him. But through the haze of alcohol and depression he still could see deep concern in those eyes. He was the one to look away.

"Leave me alone, Goku."

Goku strained himself so that he wouldn't be shouting, "Leave you?"

"Leave you to do what?"

Sanzo stared blankly ahead. He didn't know the answer either.

_all I do is miss you and the way we used to be  
all do is keep the beat and bad company  
all I do is kiss you through the bars of a rhyme  
juliet, I'd do the stars with you any time  
_

"I'll kill him!"

"Just say the word and I'll kill him for you, Sanzo!"

"Sanzo!"

Kill him. It would be good, wouldn't it? But even if that bastard died, even if he died, it didn't make any difference at all. Would it? Because, Sanzo knew it wasn't the point. The point was...

The point was that Hakkai had left him.

Left him. Here.

Left him here.

_juliet when we made love you used to cry  
you said I love you like the stars above, you said l love you till I die  
There's a place for us, you know, the movie song  
so when you're gonna realise it was just that the time was wrong juliet?   
_

Sanzo waved his hand vaguely. "Just leave me alone, Goku."

Goku clenched both his fists. Pain and anger had now filled his chest. He couldn't bear seeing Sanzo like this. Not his Sanzo. This man wasn't his Sanzo anymore.

This man wasn't his sun anymore...

"Tell me why, Sanzo," he said through gritted teeth. "Tell me why I can't be the one to make you shine?"

Sanzo met Goku's gaze briefly before looking away. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Damn it, Sanzo! Don't pre-"

"Go," snapped Sanzo. But he soon regretted it as he saw the pain that was flashing palpably on the pair of those golden eyes. He amended his tone even though he knew it was too late. "Just go, Goku. I... I need to think."

Goku contemplated slapping the man in front of him into some kind of consciousness. He clenched and unclenched his fists a few times before replying, "Fine. I'll go."

"Sanzo, I just want you to know," he looked back at the door. "You're not alone. Not at all."

Sanzo stared at Goku's retreating back blankly.

Not alone, he said. What was he talking about? He had been alone since that day, didn't he know? Alone... Until how long?

How long would he have to endure this?

Sanzo threw his body back on the bed that he used to share with the only person that could make him feel alive. He felt so dead now. Dead. He ran his hand over his eyes. The light was hurting his eyes. And his head started pounding again. Why had he stayed here? Why did he always come back here even though there was nothing to go back to?

Hakkai. Hakkai. Hakkai...

It was always him. It had always been him. It was stupid. He was stupid to let him go.

Because without him he wasn't alive. He was breathing but it meant nothing.

Even now, he knew he was dead. He was Genjo Sanzo no more.

He died that day when Hakkai left him.

_so romeo sings a streetsus serenade  
laying everybody low with a love song that he made  
finds a convenient streetlight steps out of the shade  
he says something like you and me babe how about it?  
_

= = = =


End file.
